They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
