it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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