Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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