People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
