If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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