I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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