okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
3pm strippers are depressing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize