I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
