Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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