my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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