R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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