i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
