I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
