i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
