so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
