If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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