Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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