If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
