you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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