you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
