Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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