Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
