I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
