you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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