Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
