I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
