Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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