i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
