she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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