she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
