These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
