They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
