Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
