I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
