you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
