So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
