you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
