I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
