you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
