How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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