I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
