I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
