my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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