I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
