We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fill condoms, not promises.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
