He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
