Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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