Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
