weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
