Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
