and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
