When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
