Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
