I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
